I’ve been pondering a cycle that I’ve noticed in my business. It seems to go action, reflection, reinvention and back to action. As a consultant and coach, I deliver as long as the client needs my help and wants me to be their helper. Fortunately, I get repeat business. But even so, the process has a fairly stable cycle to it. There’s always “slow time”, during which the client is regrouping, or getting funding for the next cycle. During that time, I reflect on what went well, and what I’d like to improve. I follow that with decision-making and beginning the new behaviour or activity. Then the next gig starts.

What’s interesting to me is to ponder the possibility that we are all participating in a meta-cycle, both creating and reacting to it, resulting in economic bubbles and recessions. We could all be on a slow swell of action, reflection and reinvention, which collectively creates a kind of macro-cycle, like traffic on the highway. One car slows, and all the rest slow too.

A macro-cycle would make sense in the organic view of business since life does proceed in cycles of output, rest, renewal and more output. It’s anathema to the machine model of business, born in the factories of the Industrial Revolution, which requires and expects production to never stop. That could be why business people are caught off-guard when the cycle plays out.

Thoughts? Do you see patterns in your business? Let me know…

I’ve been reading and rereading Difficult Conversations by Stone, Patton and Heen. I find it particularly useful because it identifies the thing that has always baffled me about “those” conversations: they’re not about facts and logic. Even though we spend inordinate amounts of teeth-grinding time on “But you said…” and “I don’t remember saying that, but if I did that’s not what I meant”, what happened is just one of three conversations we are really having.

The book tells us there are 3 conversations:
The “What Happened” conversation – what was the intent, who’s to blame and what is the truth
The Feelings conversation – we both have feelings and if we don’t make them explicit in a non-threatening way, they can take over, leaving us overwhelmed and confused.
The Identity conversation – what does this say about me? Am I a good person, am I worthy of love, and am I competent?

They follow on with examples, words to say, and ways to correct common mistakes.

It’s exciting to think that conversations that seemed so obscure and confusing actually were! Have a look.

Don’t travel. Don’t get close to people. Stay away from large gatherings.
Whatever this becomes, the effect on the our workplaces and way of working will be severe. If you have children and / or are a knowledge worker, spending your time talking, thinking and working on a computer you must get prepared to work from home. 

Here are some tips:

Prepare a workspace for yourself – quiet, clean, organized. Getting that in place now will help you later.

People who are already comfortable with teleconference, email, social networking, self-management and lack of “face time” will have the easiest time of it. Start now to work with people over the phone, by video conference and by yourself.

Prepare to have kids at home while you work. If public health agencies close schools and daycare, somebody’s going to have to look after the kids.  Plan ways for them to keep busy and out of trouble while you stay productive.  Sharing care with other families will be essential.

Prepare to not have “face time”. If you’re a person who likes to be physically present with others, this will be hard for you.  Even preparing for video conferencing will help, as you will be able to see people’s facial expressions.
Of course, these are emergency adaptations. This may all come to nothing, but in the short term as public health agencies and companies learn how to respond to the situation, there will be decision made that restrict and change ways of life we have come to expect and believe are our rights. The transition to another way of working can be very hard.  Begin to work through the loss of your comfort and move into a new way of working while things are easy.

And depending on how long it lasts, we will all be affected. Basic needs must be met, and if you don’t live on a farm and grow your own food, work may become the last thing to worry about.

I just read a great blog from Harvard Business Review based on the work of Rafe Esquith, the author of Teach Like Your Hair’s On Fire. It’s all about morals.  Morals in Management.  Ring any bells?  HBR has gone to an award-winning 5th grade teacher in Los Angeles for help.

According to the blog, Esquith has “adapted a framework from psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg called the Six Levels of Moral Development. In some ways, Esquith’s formulation is more useful, translated as it has been into something a fifth-grader can relate to. Here’s Esquith’s channeling of Kohlberg:

Level 1: “I don’t want to get in trouble.”
Level 2: “I want a reward”
Level 3: “I want to please someone”
Level 4: “I follow the rules”
Level 5: “I am considerate of other people”
Level 6: “I have a personal code of behavior and I follow it”‘

Sound like anyone you know at work? Where are you usually on the scale?  Where are you in a crisis? According to the Wikipedia article on Kohlberg, most adults stop at level 4 in terms of consistent behaviour.  And the instance of empirical evidence of level 6 was so low, Kohlberg couldn’t prove it existed, but believed it did.

One of the tools Rafe uses in his classroom  for Level 6 is the question, “What would Atticus do?” Atticus Finch is the dad in To Kill A Mockingbird, the readers choice all time best book ever in every poll ever taken.  Atticus always does the right thing, even if it might hurt or will be painful.  If you haven’t read it, read it.

Where are you on the scale?

In your immediate challenges at work, what would Atticus do?

Are you ready to do that?

I’ve tried a couple of ways of keeping session records for coaching:

Take notes while I’m in session

Take notes when I’m done

For all kinds of reasons, when I don’t take notes during the session, but instead stay present and aware of my client’s voice, energy and patterns of speech, the outcome is always deeper and more effective.  I usually note observations and commitments in my client file when the session is over so I can follow up later.  

My own presence is not just affected by multitasking.  I can get distracted by noise, visual activity outside the window, reminders popping up on my laptop.  So I settle myself with intent before I start a coaching session, take some deep breaths, clear my mind.  If I can hear myself breathe and count to 50 without losing my place, then I’m ready to attend and listen effectively.

Anyone have a similar experience?

I invite you to try the following exercise:

You are standing on a balcony looking down on your life, as if you were at a party watching the revellers, and you see yourself in the crowd. You are fascinated. You watch yourself engaging with some people, avoiding others, watching others, moving from place to place sometimes following, sometimes seeking, sometimes lost and waiting.

With that image in your mind, and a sense of objective fascination and curiosity about yourself, what do you observe about yourself in your life right now?

Some Initial Findings From 2008 ICF Global Coaching Client Study conducted by PricewaterhouseCooper and the Association Resource Centre, Inc:

• 65 percent of coaching clients are female.
• The majority of coaching clients are between the ages of 36 and 45 (35.9 percent).
• The majority of coaching clients have acquired an advanced level of education (a post graduate degree such as a master ’s degree or Ph.D.).
• The duration for the average coaching relationship for survey participants was 12.8 months.
• The top three motivations for obtaining coaching are:

1. Self-esteem/Self-confidence (40.9 percent); 
2. Work/Life Balance (35.6 percent); 
3. Career Opportunities (26.8 percent)

• 96.2 percent of coaching clients report they would repeat their coaching experience
• 82.7 percent of coaching clients report they are “very satisfied” with their coaching experience

Some Initial Findings From 2008 ICF Global Coaching Client Study conducted by PricewaterhouseCooper and the Association Resource Centre, Inc:

65 percent of coaching clients are female.
The majority of coaching clients are between the ages of
36 and 45 (35.9 percent).
The majority of coaching clients have acquired an ad-
vanced level of education (a post graduate degree such as
a master ’s degree or Ph.D.).
The duration for the average coaching relationship for sur-
vey participants was 12.8 months.
The top three motivations for obtaining coaching are: 1)
Self-esteem/Self-confidence (40.9 percent); 2) Work/Life Balance (35.6 percent); and 3) Career Opportunities (26.8 percent)
96.2 percent of coaching clients report they would repeat their coaching experience
82.7 percent of coaching clients report they are “very satisfied” with their coaching experience

I was recently interviewed for an article in the Wall Street Journal for the column You at the Boss’s Desk. Here’s the article: 

I wanted to expand on the topic a bit. For people in their 20’s and 30’s a sudden promotion to a management position can have its joys and challenges. Of course there’s usually a higher salary, perhaps some company perks, and even a corner office. Your friends and family will be expecting you to be feeling thrilled and fulfilled.

What most people won’t understand is the anxiety and even depression that can come with a promotion. You are no longer with your peers, you must get to know your new management peer group, you may be asked to do things you’ve never done before like budgeting, hiring and firing, and you may be feeling like you have to be seen as strong and successful without help, or they will give the job to someone else.

Here are some tips:

When dealing with your old peer group, especially if you have to manage them, say the truth that everyone is thinking anyway. Tell them you know this is a strange situation and you’re hoping they will stay open to talking. Tell them the good news is you know what their job is. Ask them to understand that being the boss requires some objectivity, and that will mean you won’t be as involved in the day to day work as you were. Tell them you’ll miss their company, and that you’ll be demanding their best because you know how good that can be.

With your new management peer group, start getting to know each one over lunch or coffee. They will be important support to you as you build skills in your new position. They can help you with who to talk to, how to navigate company hierarchy, and how to make successful presentations. They can also give you objective feedback and will welcome your openness to learning. And over time, they will become friends, too.

When you have to build new skills, go to the source for the best advice. If you have to put together a budget, find someone in Finance or ask your boss to walk you through the steps. For hiring and firing, connect with the HR department for company policies and even ask someone to tag team with you as you go. The company may have an internal training and development department. Seek them out and take advantage of their services. No one will expect you to know how to do these things, and your boss will welcome your effort to get what you need.

There are two final tips that are really at the bottom of all success.

The first is to ask for help. It seems simple, but is often the hardest thing to do when you think your reputation depends on being seen as smart, capable or in control. When I say “ask for help” I don’t mean get someone else to do your job.  Laziness is different from strategic delegation. What I mean is asking for help with your own performance through feedback, ideas, opinions, information, advice on how to get something done more quickly, asking for mentoring, coaching, or clarification. People who ask for help with good intent are often seen as open and worthy of respect. They create webs of support and trust and encourage others through their own modeling of openness. The act of asking for help may be briefly uncomfortable, but almost always results in more and better connections, skills and ideas, than if you don’t ask. And most people like being able to help.

The second thing is not to let the the sometimes negative emotions of transitions dissuade you from doing what needs to be done. Transitions are times when people leave behind an old way, live through some uncertainty as a new way is being developed, and then begin to behave in the new way. Your transition from your old job to your new job is a transition not just for you but for all the people around you. You bring new ideas and ways of behaving, and those are absolutely critical to the health and success of the company. At the same time, people within the company may behave as if they don’t want the transition to occur.

Sometimes in business we call this reaction to transitions “resistance to change”. My belief is that people aren’t resistant to change unless the new way is obviously detrimental to them or people they care about. Instead, in most cases the “negativity” we see is grieving for the loss of a way of life in which they have invested energy, spirit and passion. They may be losing special relationships – a friend and mentor if you are replacing someone who is retiring or moving on, you as a peer, or the retiring manager as a colleague. They may be losing a successful way of communicating and a shared language of understanding they worked hard to build up. They may just be losing the ideas they committed to and that have served them in the past as you bring and represent new ones. They will grieve those losses, and there is nothing you can do to control or change that process except respect it. They will feel what they need to feel. What you can do is be honest, consistent, and show integrity in all your interactions. Help them believe that there is hope for the future. And ask them to co-create that future with you.

It sometimes seems easier to compromise your ideas to, you think, help someone else feel more comfortable with generational or style differences. I’ve seen many young managers shaking their heads but staying silent in meetings where the same old bad policy was promoted. They were afraid to deal with the reaction to promoting their new ideas. Instead they became passive resistors, doing, but hating, the things they knew could be done better.

Have courage!  The workplace needs the ideas of new people, new managers and employees. Workplace transitions will play out in time, and in the meantime, you need to believe in the ideas that will generate a real, sustainable future for you and your employees. Your ideas are just as valid as those of older, more “experienced” workers. They will come to trust you if you are open, approachable, and trustworthy, or they will leave. In either case, the future demands your commitment and leadership, and your modeling of progressive behaviour. With help and with time you can make a new future.

Perspective flip: think of people you avoid; now imagine they are fundamental to you in some way. What would you do differently with them?

What if the boss you gossip about at lunch and make fun of had some secret knowledge that could help you get the thing you desire the most?

What if the young, shy intern with his feet up on the desk eating Doritos has an idea that will leave the competition in the dust?

What if that woman in the cubicle down the hall with the loud, annoying telephone voice has 10 years experience in exactly what you’re under pressure to get done right now?

What if you are staying away from the very people who you need?

How will you find out?